See if this sounds or feels at all familiar...
You've done everything you know to either change this person or yourself, yet the harder you try, things seem to get worse...or, at least, not any better. But you don't know what else to do. If you give up, the relationship will stay exactly where it is and you will be resigned to the unhappiness you are in right now. So, you see no other choice but to continue to try whatever methods you've been trying even if you know they don't really work. Perhaps you think you need to get more creative in your efforts - but in your heart, you feel stuck... trapped. One of you may persues/fight and the other may withdraw...and you may switch roles.
This is the mutual trap couples tend to find themselves in before they seek therapy. It is a very common, usually private experience for each partner, regardless of who withdraws and who persues.
There are several reasons this develops and it is absolutely possible to stop this negative cycle and build a more satisfying, loving relationship.
In my practice, I use Emotion Focused Couples Therapy and the Gottman Method to make real and lasting change in couples who want to be better at conflict and attain real intimacy.
They are an integration of process, attachment, acceptance, and behavior change to get through those "stuck" places effectively and safely with each other. I do a thorough evaluation of you as a couple and each of you as individuals first, tailoring the goals of the couples counseling to your core needs.